"Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name."
Psalms 63:3-4 NASB
God has been teaching me so much over the last couple of months! I feel like I'm still in overload mode and doing my best to process what He has for me in this moment. I know it is incomprehensible that I could process all He has for me, but to focus on what He has for me in this moment seems a little more attainable. I've said before, I'm not a writer. Several in my family are, but I'm not. But I am learning that when I do take the time to write, it helps me to connect my thoughts, to bring them to reality in my life, and to have a bit clearer sight of God's big picture for my life. So today I take a few minutes to do just that....
I have been walking in the valley of the shadow of death. After losing Dad in June (has it really been that long?), I have walked the valley of grief and deep-in-my-gut sadness. As David says in Psalms 23, "I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." It's true for me, I have not felt fear. I have felt the hands of my Maker guiding me through each hard place, protecting me, prodding me to keep moving forward, and allowing me time I have needed to take breaks and just find comfort in His arms. I have not been alone! Thank you Jesus!
Back in November I was blogging about things I was thankful for. One of my entries, "Thankful for MUSIC"", told about how the song "10,000 Reasons" was so special, a gift from God to me. At that time, I had this crazy idea to write down 10,000 reasons my soul had to sing, 10,000 things to be thankful for. I had a journal I had bought when Dad passed away and thought that might be a good place to keep my list.... I couldn't do it. I don't know why, I just couldn't commit to doing it. It seemed quite daunting to be honest and I did not need one more commitment that would just allow me another opportunity to fail. So I pushed that crazy idea to the back of my head and decided I could do 30 days of Thanksgiving for the month of November. Thirty seemed way more practical.
Then in December, at a time when one of our children was really hurting, struggling with loss and disappointment, I remembered our family gratitude journal that we kept a few years ago and decided to pull that out. After all, it is really hard to be sad and thankful at the same time, right? So we brought the journal back out and keep it around the table. Truthfully, we don't write in it every night, because often we are rushed around dinner time, but it is fun when we do! Our kids enjoy coming up with what they will write and it is so good for our souls.
And then there's the book, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. It had been sitting in my Amazon cart for quite a while and a few weeks ago I ordered another book from Amazon and decided to go ahead and ship this book too. The cover was beautiful and I like gifts and someone somewhere had said this was a good book. I tried to read it... That first chapter was hard, grief, pain, disappointment, despair. I was trying to get over all that and really didn't want to dwell on that any more. But her thoughts were real, I knew because I had some of them too, and there was an entire book left to read after the first chapter, so maybe it would get better.
WOW! God used her words to speak to me right where I was. It was so clear, I had to underline them so I could come back and see them again, make sure I really read that. I want so bad to tell you all I learned, but there was so much there I needed that I can't without writing pretty much the length of the book, in which case you should just go check out a copy and read for yourself. But here's the gist... It's all about the thanks, the gratitude, the eucharisteo! God gives us gifts all day long, everyday, and JOY comes when we acknowledge and give thanks for those gifts. And it's more than a blanket "thank you for the good things you give us", it is specifically naming them. When we name them, we begin to fully realize them in our busy-ness around us. Always giving thanks, recognizing all we have to be grateful for. Getting to a place where we realize each breath we have is a grace gift from God, not just knowing that, but living that! Giving thanks is not a practice that will come easy for many, especially in this culture of entitlement and expectations, it will have to be learned. I have to learn this everyday-allday-anytime giving thanks.
I was then reminded of my CRAZY idea of listing 10,000 reasons my soul has to sing. The author was dared to keep a list of 1,000 things to be thankful for. Could I really do 10,000? Could I even count that high? :) The more I read that this practice of giving thanks, this eucharisteo would always precede the miracle, the less my list seemed crazy and the more I knew I had to just buckle up and do it, even if it takes a lifetime. And if I don't complete it in this lifetime, what better way to go out, than to go out in the middle of a "Thank You God" project. I have no doubt my list will continue with each breath in the midst of the Almighty, the I AM, on streets of glory.
I'm in the early beginnings of my list. It sits on my kitchen counter, where I spend a good chunk of my day. I try to write in it as soon as I acknowledge something God has given me, his gifts to me. I'm learning. There's a part of me that wants to write down every molecule in front of me because my head knowledge knows EVERYTHING is God's gift to us. And yet, I want to purposefully account for each gift I notice, to really reflect on giving thanks for it. And so for now my process is a little slower as I look for God throughout my day, and each day I see something different.
My days have been brighter! My appreciation for where I am today is greater! God is alive!!! He is working all around us, He is breathing gifts all over us. He has me right here, at this moment, in this valley, to come to full acceptance of the gifts He has for me. My thanks to Him, this is how I bless Him. When I can't find a reason to give thanks, I cease to bless the Lord. And so with each item I write on my list, I give thanks. Thanks to a God who loves me, who continues to reveal more to me in pieces and at times that I can understand. Thanks to a God who can fill me with pure JOY in the midst of a valley!
Then in December, at a time when one of our children was really hurting, struggling with loss and disappointment, I remembered our family gratitude journal that we kept a few years ago and decided to pull that out. After all, it is really hard to be sad and thankful at the same time, right? So we brought the journal back out and keep it around the table. Truthfully, we don't write in it every night, because often we are rushed around dinner time, but it is fun when we do! Our kids enjoy coming up with what they will write and it is so good for our souls.
And then there's the book, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. It had been sitting in my Amazon cart for quite a while and a few weeks ago I ordered another book from Amazon and decided to go ahead and ship this book too. The cover was beautiful and I like gifts and someone somewhere had said this was a good book. I tried to read it... That first chapter was hard, grief, pain, disappointment, despair. I was trying to get over all that and really didn't want to dwell on that any more. But her thoughts were real, I knew because I had some of them too, and there was an entire book left to read after the first chapter, so maybe it would get better.
WOW! God used her words to speak to me right where I was. It was so clear, I had to underline them so I could come back and see them again, make sure I really read that. I want so bad to tell you all I learned, but there was so much there I needed that I can't without writing pretty much the length of the book, in which case you should just go check out a copy and read for yourself. But here's the gist... It's all about the thanks, the gratitude, the eucharisteo! God gives us gifts all day long, everyday, and JOY comes when we acknowledge and give thanks for those gifts. And it's more than a blanket "thank you for the good things you give us", it is specifically naming them. When we name them, we begin to fully realize them in our busy-ness around us. Always giving thanks, recognizing all we have to be grateful for. Getting to a place where we realize each breath we have is a grace gift from God, not just knowing that, but living that! Giving thanks is not a practice that will come easy for many, especially in this culture of entitlement and expectations, it will have to be learned. I have to learn this everyday-allday-anytime giving thanks.
I was then reminded of my CRAZY idea of listing 10,000 reasons my soul has to sing. The author was dared to keep a list of 1,000 things to be thankful for. Could I really do 10,000? Could I even count that high? :) The more I read that this practice of giving thanks, this eucharisteo would always precede the miracle, the less my list seemed crazy and the more I knew I had to just buckle up and do it, even if it takes a lifetime. And if I don't complete it in this lifetime, what better way to go out, than to go out in the middle of a "Thank You God" project. I have no doubt my list will continue with each breath in the midst of the Almighty, the I AM, on streets of glory.
I'm in the early beginnings of my list. It sits on my kitchen counter, where I spend a good chunk of my day. I try to write in it as soon as I acknowledge something God has given me, his gifts to me. I'm learning. There's a part of me that wants to write down every molecule in front of me because my head knowledge knows EVERYTHING is God's gift to us. And yet, I want to purposefully account for each gift I notice, to really reflect on giving thanks for it. And so for now my process is a little slower as I look for God throughout my day, and each day I see something different.
My days have been brighter! My appreciation for where I am today is greater! God is alive!!! He is working all around us, He is breathing gifts all over us. He has me right here, at this moment, in this valley, to come to full acceptance of the gifts He has for me. My thanks to Him, this is how I bless Him. When I can't find a reason to give thanks, I cease to bless the Lord. And so with each item I write on my list, I give thanks. Thanks to a God who loves me, who continues to reveal more to me in pieces and at times that I can understand. Thanks to a God who can fill me with pure JOY in the midst of a valley!
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